I hate the word inappropriate

Everyone needs to lighten up. I'm so sick of people getting their feelings hurt over words and then complaining that the speaker said something inappropriate.

I like comedy. I like what some would call inappropriate comedy. Except what I consider appropriate chuckle fodder may not be your cup of tea. So move on. Don't listen. I heard this gem from Larry the Cable Guy the other day and laughed for what had to be 6 hours....

"If you're late for Special Ed, is it proper for the teacher to call you "tardy"?

That's good stuff right there. And I thought about putting it on my Face Book page, but then thought better of it. What if someone gets offended?, I thought.

I can't believe I actually thought that. It's not malicious. It's not hate speak - it's just dang funny. But my reasoning behind it was I have co-workers included on my list of friends, and what if a very simple attempt at levity came back to bite me? (Like that never happens in the world). I really, really hate living in a world where I have to censor myself because someone may have an axe to grind and decide to get "offended". I'm reminded of an episode of The Drew Carey Show about a panel cartoon of a crinkle-cut fry trying to hit on an earthworm. It sent his office into a tizzy.

The wonderfully witty columnist and author Erma Bombeck once said "when humor goes, there goes civilization".

Here, here.....and amen.

Stone cold sober as a matter of fact

Yes. The bitch is back. The selfish bitch who made a handicapped man stand on the bus while her huge tote bag took up a seat in the "priority seating" section was at it again this morning on the 120. What a tool.

I hope the handicapped people in the world rise up and beat you senseless with their walkers.

PS - I think I was totally busted by the dude on the right while I snapped this picture.

Hey Deformities - I'm talking to you!

I stumbled across a freaking hysterical website the other day called Engrish.com. Basically, it's a collection of signs and advertising from other countries written in English, and boy do they miss the mark. One (or several) wrong word can change the entire meaning of what you are trying to convey. Check it out, but be warned - it's addictive.

Here's a couple of my favorites:

The sights you see when you don't have a gun

I'm seriously angry.

This morning during my usual commute that consists of a car, a train and a bus, I encountered one of the most blatant acts of outright selfishness that I have ever been witness to on the CTA.

I got on the 120 out of Ogilvie Station, took my seat and riffled through my purse for my office keys. Once I found them (in a heap in the bottom of my bag) I looked up to see this -

Ok - so I'm no Ansel Adams, but what's going on in my blurry, clandestine photos is this double-chinned bitch is sitting and reading her book (in the priority seating section, mind you) and has a ginormous bag next to her (I'm not referring to the lady on the other side of her, either). And said giant bag is taking up the entire seat to her left. Now, if you've ever traveled on the Metra train, you are aware of the "seat hogs". Those assholes who put their bag or other crap on the seat next to them so no one can sit there. But let me tell you, it doesn't fly on the CTA. The buses are too crowded for that crap. Yet, Blondie here decided her huge pleather bag needed its own seat.

But that's not even the infuriating part. Look to the background of the picture. See the dude standing there? He's holding a cane.

HE'S FUCKING HANDICAPPED, YOU BITCH! HE'S STANDING AND YOUR $10.00 TARGET BAG HAS IT'S OWN SEAT.

By the time I got off that bus I was seething. What kind of ridiculous bitch doesn't even offer up her seat to a handicapped person? If he preferred to stand, that's fine. But Ms. Mememe never asked.

So when I finally got into the office, I decided two things. 1.) I'm gonna put her selfish ass on my blog so my 4 readers can enjoy her tremendous act of selfishness, and 2.) I'm going to send in a reader submission to R.O.C.K. on the C.T.A. (One of my favorite blogs of all time, yet I have never submitted before). The heights of rudeness that guy records are legendary.

Have a great day - hopefully you won't run into anyone like this today. But who are we kidding? You know you will.

Do you mind if I shove my wienermobile into your garage?

The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile crashed into a home in Racine, Wisconsin last Friday. The puns are flying so fast a furious through my brain right now, that I can't even type them. Needless to say, that's one destructive wiener.

UPDATE: Didn't the driver know how big his buns were?

UPDATE: In this case, size DOES matter.

UPDATE: "Two local Wisconsin men pray at the alter of the fallen wiener..."

UPDATE: Ace and Gary inspect the damage to their superhero-mobile.

Can't....stop......laughing..........

She may not be news to you, but she's new to me

This is Amy Rigby. She's an AMAZING singer/songwriter that I currently have a mad girl crush on. She's oh-so-talented and beautifully cynical. I don't know why I have never run across her music until a few months ago, but now I can't get enough. Her song "Are We Ever Gonna Have Sex Again?" is a sassy, truthful look at domesticated bliss. I couldn't find a YouTube video, so you will have to settle for just the audio - here. Just click the arrow on the player on the right hand side of the screen. Enjoy! And if you get hooked like me, don't say I didn't warn you.

He's gonna lose his job at Shotz Brewery

Eddie Mekka, Shirley's main squeeze Carmine "The Big Ragoo" Ragusa from the 70's sitcom Laverne and Shirley was busted for a DUI last weekend in Las Vegas. Nice mug shot, Carmine. You look like a pedophile.

Perhaps he was hanging out with Joyce DeWitt, joy riding and guzzling down 40 ouncers while blasting Boom Boom Pow. I know it seems unlikely, but I paint quite a picture, don't I?

So Shirl - this is your night in shining armor? And remember how he was always singing the line "you know I'd go from rags to riches"? I never knew the rest of that song was about a failed field sobriety test.

Look away, Boo Boo Kitty, look away.

You can read the whole story on TMZ.

I ran to Minneapolis where it's cold, I figured I'd keep better

The Rhoda head-scarf totally needs to make a comeback. It's perfect. It's colorful. It's funky. And if you're having a bad hair day, it's your best friend. Come on, ladies! Let's do it!

Closing time at the Regal Beagle

Joyce Dewitt, who played Janet on Three's Company went an got herself a DUI on the 4th of July. You can't beat a great mug shot, and Joyce has delivered. She was arrested for being under the influence of alcohol, but looking at this picture I would suspect crack or meth. Geez - she looks like she's seriously tweekin.

I hope Jack or Chrissy or Larry were able to bail her out, because those cheap-asses the Roper's will let ya rot.

You can read more about Joyce's holiday follies here.

The show must go on (freak or otherwise)

Well, the Michael Jackson freak train has officially come to a halt. I really don't want to go over and rehash what has been hashed and hashed again, except to say, shame on you Jacksons. Every last one of them is messed up thanks to Joe Jackson's endless pursuit of the spotlight for his children. It's the one piece of parenting that Micheal Jackson did well - and at just about every turn (not counting some bizarre baby dangling) Micheal kept those kids well out of the spotlight. He made sure they sported masks and wore blankets (hence the child nicknamed "Blanket") over their heads to protect their anonymity.

So what's the first thing that clan of freaks does the minute they get their hands on MJ's kids? This...



Exploiting the sorrow of an 11 year old who just lost the only parent she's ever known? Shame on them. Seriously.