This just in

I didn't see this one coming. I never even considered this would happen. It seems that when you quit smoking, you gain weight! Imagine! (I hope you can feel the sarcasm. I'd hate to think it was wasted). But seriously, I never considered this. For the past week or two I have realized that my jeans have been a bit snug. "They're fresh out of the dryer" I'd tell myself. Or, "I'm bloated" I would rationalize. But this morning I got on the scale and confirmed the horror that I suspected...TWELVE FUCKING POUNDS. I have gained TWELVE FUCKING POUNDS IN 10 WEEKS.

Breathe.

Relax. It's wrong. The scale is just wrong. Do this one more time....

OH SWEET TAP-DANCING MOSES. Twelve pounds.

So now it's on. I mean, it's on! I am going to work out like I've never worked out before. I figure I never thought I could quit smoking, and I did that, so these annoying twelve pounds have no idea what they're in for. And I've called in the big guns. Let me introduce you to Shaun T, my Hip Hop Abs savior:


I ordered this today. There are a ton of positive reviews on line, folks who work out regularly and they love this guy. And why wouldn't they? Look at him. The dude is smokin' hot. If I can't have regular candy, I'm going to have eye candy, dammit.

So wish me luck. I also got a "Bob" workout (of Biggest Loser fame) and a Biggest Loser cookbook. If you've had luck with any others, let me know. I really want to make short work of these TWELVE FUCKING POUNDS.

Grrrr.